The Threshold

My last dating post made note of how guys are superficial. That's true to an extent, but not as bad as it seems. Let me explain.

I've spoken to numerous guys and a few girls about how important looks are in a relationship and this is my impression. Both care about looks. The difference is how much weight they put on it.

Guys have what I like to call a threshold. What that means is that every guy has a certain level of looks that he can become attracted to. Anything below that threshold of (subjective) looks is off the table. But anything above it is ok. So technically looks are the most important (because they must pass the threshold) and least important (because anything past the threshold is enough) part of the girl.

Girls (correct me if I'm wrong) seem to consider looks in the entire package, meaning it is just another factor. They might be willing to give up on some looks in exchange for personality, maturity, intelligence, etc. There doesn't seem to be a threshold.

The threshold theory applies to most guys, but not all. Some guys do have a very high threshold, which I guess is fine if that's all they can (honestly) be attracted to. But many guys are just simply immature and expect to be attracted immediately to the girl. This expectation is unrealistic, unfair, and foolish. The threshold should not be high enough that the girl must pass it on the first look. That's not a threshold, but living in a dream world.

Girls who complain that guys are superficial should know it's not really true. They care about looks but only to a degree. And the ones who care about looks to the point where they will not give her looks a chance to grow on them are not guys girls should want to date anyway.